CanDew UnderStory

 

Wendy Do-It had wanted a Bouvier for as long as Archer and Merrie could remember ... .

Her request came at a hard time:

Archer, recently graduated from DDS ... Do-It Dentist School ... was in the throes of setting up practice.

And at this very movie ... Merrie Poppins ... at which Wendy discovered the Bouvier as the first Jewish War Hero ... a breed that bit the hand of Hitler and was ordered exterminated by him ... Scoot Do-It had somehow gotten his head stuck in the seat, and Grandma Exhale had called Police, Fire and Ambulance.

Scoot had just been extricated by Jaws of Life when Archer and Merrie arrived on the scene ... frazzled, to say the least ... and unable to hush their daughter's surprisingly well thought-out and long-lived quest for a Bouvier des Flandres ... .

~~

The year was 1964. Wendy (later a.k.a. UnderWoman) was five; Scoot was two; Grog was one ... .

~~

UnderWoman's quest for a Bouvier was intense and unceasing:

Hadn't she just trained Rhonda's Wire-haired Fox Terrier to fart on command, dance the tango (all on his own) and make phony phone calls?

Sedan Fuzzface Love-of-Life Frederickson Addams Jingleheimer Do-It Goldspleen was a lot like Rhonda and UnderWoman ... so adept at following rules that he could bend them at will ... .

~~

For example, Sedan Fuzzface was forbidden from eating in the dining room ... and especially at and on the dining room table.

And so he dragged Rhonda's Sixth Birthday cake from the dining room table to his own kitchen kennel ... where he shut and locked the door before dancing in and devouring the cake ... .

~~

Sedan could not be punished on ... technicalities: ...

He had not broken the rule, per se, as he had not eaten cake in the dining room; only in his own room.

Plus, the ... incident ... had happened like fifteen minutes ago, and what's time to a dog?

Sedan only spoke PRESENT TENSE ... only knew how to be charmingly, disarmingly, devastatingly PRESENT ... .

~~

Based on the runaway successes of Sedan Fuzzface, UnderWoman HATCHED A PLAN:

Brisk-It Bouv-Boy Do-It would be the Bouvier's first, middle and last names.

A Jewish War Hero, Brisk-It would protect the family, carry groceries, fetch mail and newspapers (including from and for the neighbors), would be good with kids and money; would grow on, in fact, to make money ... .

~~

Brisk-It would star in and sell tickets for movies and plays. He would have his own ... Class Pets ... ... - an entourage to include but not be limited to mice, gerbils, hamsters, squirrels, chipmunks and wabbits ... .

~~

When, on the eve of her Sixth Birthday, Archer and Merrie took UnderWoman aside and laid out many good reasons why she could not yet have a Bouvier ... small brothers, miniscule back yard, lack of preparation and skills, waste of time and money ... UW pouted:

FINE. She would accept a Pony named SilverGold for THIS BIRTHDAY. Also a Film and Music Studio to be set up in the basement. Also, mentors from Los Angeles and New York ... s Film, Television and Recording Arts Industries.

But if there were not a Bouvier or Irish Wolfhound (also a War Hero ... and BIG) by her Seventh Birthday, there would be HELL TO PAY!!!!

~~

On her Sixth Birthday, UW awakes before the Sun ... as she always has and will. 

She checks EVERYWHERE for SilverGold.

Perhaps, as her parents suggested, their own backyard and basement were too small for large dogs and miniature horses?

She searches the neighbors ... yards ... .

~~

It's 6 a.m. ... UnderWoman is Six Years Old.

All alone, she makes her way as far as she's ever been:

She ventures down to the dead end ... .to the Kemp Mill Farm that once was larger than all of the Kemp Mill Estates development that its once-expansive property had been bulldozed to make way for ... .

~~

UW is too young yet to understand the NO TRESPASSING signs ... .

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So she stumbles before sunrise onto Kemp Mill Farm ... that emerald estate that sits like a crumbling crown on the head of cookie-cutter suburbs whose trees and families are still SO YOUNG ... .

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And there UnderWoman finds ... .MANY HORSES!

Many horses of many colors. ...

More and taller and skinnier horses than she'd ever imagined ... .

~~

As always, Archer and Merrie have COME THROUGH ... as they always would and will ... .

 ~~

Quite quickly, a FarmHand comes out to greet Underwoman:

Couldn't she read the NO TRESPPASSING signs?

She could read ... in fact has taught herself ahead of schedule!

But she has a problem grasping the overall concept of NO!

And though she LOVES Trespassers Will from Winnie the Pooh, she has long thought that Trespassers were the names of Owl, the Tree he lives in, the WELCOME he gives ... .

Is this a new and different meaning for the word????

~~

Only today she's learned new meanings for the words SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY (vis a vis the whole stable of tall horses that is hers) and Trespass, which she is quite proud to do ... .

~~

In fact, she seeks official Permission to Trespass ... for herself, her family and friends, the entourage of animals she trains, the films and music she makes, plays she produces, books and magazines she writes, clubs she runs ... .

~~

He chuckles. There hasn't been this much promise and peril since backhoes razed his family home and put paved roads, homes and highways where bridle paths once were ... .

And here was another kind of steamroller altogether!!!!

~~~~

Flash forward 50 years:

UnderWoman has lived and worked around the world'New Orleans, New York, Paris, London, L.A., D.C.

It's said she even died once ... quite the dramatic side-effect of her rare and refractory myashthenia gravis'.

~~

That's when she took on her new name ... UnderWoman ... a character able to go, see, speak, do when Wendy is confined to hospital, home, wheelchair, walker ... .

~~

This is the BONUS TRACK of UnderWoman and Wendy Do-It's lives.

And they want that Bouvier by their next birthday!!!!

~~

In Pine Mountain, Georgia, there's a HUGE family of Bouviers. ...

And one of them has their names etched in its heart ... .

~~

UnderWoman has an ADVENTURE en route to finding her Bouvier:

She zigs and zags down memory lane ... refreshing her memories first at Fort Bragg, where Archer had been an Army dentist early in his career; followed by Bynum NC, where she and a first love almost bought land; Myrtle Beach, where Archer and Merrie introduced her to ocean and sand; ... Charleston and Savannah, where she enjoyed med-school rotations with a soulmate ... .

~~

By the time she arrives at Valkin Bouviers, the clan that had been groomed for her arrival is completely bedraggled:

They are a big, noisy, unruly gaggle of parents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins ... caked in fur, feathers, mud and excrecment ... ..

~~

But UnderWoman is EXCITED:

She LOVE a GOOD MESS. ... A PARTY. ... A SHOW!!!!

~~

As if it ... s Mardi Gras and she's in the Crewe of ABUNDANCE, UnderWoman tosses out an array of gifts ... doggy dental treats, chew toys, squeaky toys ... .

~~

Her litter of eight is soon to turn four months old.

How could she possibly choose from their boisterous selves ... all of whom give her the hero's welcome????

~~

She doesn't have to choose:

One brindle boy has chosen ... .

~~

One gray brindle boy jumps in her lap.

He jumps down and up ... and down ... .

~~

He lines the toys up and starts a kind of lending library ... .

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When one sib or parent or cousin is too rough with a toy, this boy brings them back to UnderWoman for a quick ... grooming ... and inspection before lending them out again ... .

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This Bouv Boy has not only chosen her; but also his own name -- Dewey Decimal System, CanDew Dog!!!!

~~

The rest is the stuff of DREAMS ... and a few rude awakenings!!!!

~~

CanDew and UnderWoman SCHOOL EACH OTHER:

He teaches her to be more present, less conditional.

She teaches him how to save a life ... her life ... .

~~~